PATHWAY TO PEACE
“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”
Matthew 18:15-17 (NLT)
All week, we’ve talked about how to process through our anger and move toward grace, forgiveness and restoration. But what’s the biblical process for walking through conflict and attempting reconciliation? Our passage today lays it out pretty clearly.
When we have a conflict with someone, the first step is to go to them privately and address it. Unfortunately, we more often run to everyone but that person to discuss what happened and our feelings about it. In our digital day and age, we might even take to social media and make some thinly veiled comments that we hope they see so they can feel the appropriate levels of guilt. But this is not the way.
We must go directly to that person and have a conversation. There’s a productive and an unproductive way to go about this. You can go in guns blazing, making lots of accusatory statements that leave them no wiggle room. To be clear, this is the unproductive way. The productive way is to share your perception of things, making more I statements than you statements. Then, ask for clarity and help to understand. And once you’ve asked, you have to do the really hard thing—actually listen. Not just listen to come back over the top with your cleverly prepared response. But listen to understand with an eye on restoration and forgiveness.
Jesus lays out that if this is not successful, you’re to try again, this time with one or two trusted friends who can help act as mediators. Should that prove unsuccessful, then it’s time to involve some leadership from the church. We want to be abundantly gracious, seeking at every turn to restore. Far too often, we’re quick to write people off and put them on blast. But we would be devastated to have others treat us this way. So let us recall the Golden Rule and do to others as we would have them do to us.
APPLICATION: Who do you need to have a potentially difficult conversation with? What obstacles stand in the way of doing so? Is your spirit in a place where you can do so in good faith? If not—ask God to help you work on the plank in your own eye before you move to the speck in someone else’s. When you’re ready, take the step. Have the talk. Pursue peace and reconciliation.
PRAYER: God, help me as I seek to be an agent of peace. Grow within me a desire to restore and reconcile where possible. Please give me the words to speak. May You be glorified even as I have difficult conversations. In Jesus’ name, amen.
“… Our Father in heaven…” Matthew 6:9b (NLT)
- What do You want to say to me today as my Father?
“… may Your name be kept holy.” Matthew 6:9c (NLT)
- What do You want to reveal to me about Your power today?
“May Your Kingdom come soon.” Matthew 6:10a (NLT)
- Help me make Your priorities my priorities today.
“Give us today the food we need,” Matthew 6:11 (NLT)
- Is there anything specific You want me to do with my time or the people I’m around today?
“and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us” Matthew 6:12 (NLT)
- Reveal to me anyone I need to forgive or ask for forgiveness.
“And don’t let us yield to temptation…” Matthew 6:13a (NLT)
- Is there anywhere I’m vulnerable to temptation?